im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How naked do you want me to be?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
