I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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