my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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