You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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