yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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