you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
