It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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