It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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