Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize