Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
