So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You are the jesus of drinking
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
