now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
love makes seman taste better
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
