Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
