Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize