I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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