I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
