i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
