You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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