Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I look better un-naked...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
