I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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