i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
