shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
