You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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