Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're too hungover to prance.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize