So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
