he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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