1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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