he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
