I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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