The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize