I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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