god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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