I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
