when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
