i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
