I heard we made out
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize