I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
