apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
