Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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