I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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