So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize