I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
