I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
