I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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