i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
