You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
