Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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