Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
