I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
