just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
