worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
