HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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