i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
