Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
