everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
FUCK WHALES
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
