I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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