I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
