dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
