she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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