I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
