I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
