And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
