Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
