Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
