i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
