so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
