Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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