I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize