he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just found puke in my bra..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
