she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
