I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
