Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize