I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
