3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
