if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
