I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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