Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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