Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Randomize
