There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize