My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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