If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
