When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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