quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
