good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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