I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
