i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
my liver is dry heaving
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
