I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
