He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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