I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
