Swine flu. Run for my life!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
