Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
