OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
