I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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