I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
