The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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