I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
