my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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