It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
