went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So much rum. So many feels.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
