Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
