I accidentally burped into my bong.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
