It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
