i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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